> Top Signs You Are An Antigonisher

Antigonish is a county in Northeastern Nova Scotia, Canada, and
is also the name of a small University town within this County... but
if you are an Antigonisher you already know these things (and likely
most of the things listed below)!


 Top Signs You Are An Antigonisher

 · You recognize the above photo but don't 'remember' seeing it from this angle
 · You drank at hockey games

 · You drank at Parish Center dances

 · You drank at high school dances

 · You drank at the Fair

 · You drank at the Bunny Trail, the rink, Liquor Lane, the St.F.X.

   campus, the grave yard, the ropes, Marle Pit Road, Whiterock, Malignant Cove, the Cabin, the Gag Woods,
   Dagger Woods, The Cheapskate Hill (when there were woods there) Woods, Mahoney's Beach, Columbus Field,
   Piper's Glen, The Tracks, Dairy Mountain, the Sugarshack, Dead Man's Lake, and the Alleys

 · You know what the Alleys means

 · You have urinated on the old Tavern floor

 · You have vomited on the old Tavern floor

 · You got loaded at the Tavern, the Triangle, and Piper's Pub

 · You got hammered at the Gail, T-Bone's,  and Pat's

 · You got loaded at the Dirty O

 · You got wasted at Our Place, Checkers, and Chuggles

 · You got smashed at the Library Lounge

 · You got inebriated at the Claymore Bar or whatever it's name is

 · You got gooned up at subs, pubs, the Golden X Inn, and so on and so forth

 · You spent a night in the Courthouse jail

 · You've done one of these things with a kilt on

 · You know you're not an alcoholic, no matter what the guidance counsellor, the judge's report, or your 
   family and friends say

 · You've been to the Dagger Woods to make a purchase

 · Your vote has been bought with a pint of rum

 · You know it would be a bigger thrill for you to play one shift with the Bulldogs than with the Montreal Canadiens

 · You believe the Bulldogs have the best sports jersey of any team in the world

 · You believe Paul McLean should be in the Hockey Hall of Fame

 · You believe Antigonish needs 4 rinks

 · You know who Bob Wall is (and we'll leave it at that)

 · You know the St FX football team stinks, but they were good once

 · You know they they will never truly be good until Antigonish has a football team of its own

 · You were at the Halifax Metro Centre when X won the CIAU basketball championship.  
   If you weren't, you're not from Antigonish.  You're from Tracadie or Havre Boucher

 · (Female) You've been hit on by a drunk Frankie McVicar

 · (Male) You've been hit on by a really drunk Frankie McVicar

 · (Dog) You've been hit on by a really drunk Frankie McVicar

 · You know that students who went to Antigonish East are not really from Antigonish

 · You've been ripped off by Gary Cusack

 · You've been ripped off by the Cameron's, who were once the owners of the Triangle Tavern

 · You've been ripped off by the staff at Eastern Auto

 · You've heard of a club actually called the 'How Club', which is located behind Kenny Farrell's Texaco

 · You think that Kenny Farrell is an ego-inflated jerk who likes to think that the town revolves around his Texaco store

 · You believe the Nova's are the richest people in the world

 · You've eaten a sloppy Joe at a restaurant affectionately know as the ‘Gag & Puke'

 · You know that Bacardi rum is the most popular rum anywhere in the world except Antigonish.  The Captain rules here

 · You know that the letter 'H' is not pronounced 'ach'.  It's pronounced 'haach'.  You know what we mean

 · You know that the third most recognized ring in the world is the X ring and that this fact was on Jeopardy

 · You know the Coady International Institute is known through out the world and this fact was also on Jeopardy

 · You know that the Antigonish Highland Games are the oldest Scottish games in North America and this fact was also on Jeopardy

 · You know that if you wear an X-ring, you bought it from Cameron's. There are no other substitutes

 · You piss and moan when your favorite bar outside Antigonish does not serve Schooner

 · You know Canada's third prime minister, Sir John Thompson

 · You know Brian Mulroney graduated from X and you're starting to brag about it again

 · You know that Stats Canada has stated that Antigonish has the most degrees per capita of any town or city in Canada

 · You know that St. FX is the oldest co-ed Catholic university in North America

 · You know that only two places in Canada have that crazy stamp-making place and Antigonish is one of them

 · You know fifty politicians from Antigonish and X and you've used them, at one point, to get a summer job

 · You've made hay, planted trees, collected beer bottles, picked strawberries/blueberries for some beer money

 · You've been in at least one scrap and you brag about it

 · You are either a 'hick' or a 'townie' and, "East is east and west is west and never the twain shall meet"

 · You've voted liberal until you found out Gerald Reagan grabbed your mom's ass at a fund raiser

 · You know Allan MacEachern is gay

 · You've seen Jay Doyle do an Elvis dance rendition

 · You've smoked drugs and drank liquor on the Walk-A-Thon route and thought it was the coolest fundraiser around

 · You have a nick name instead of a last name (if your name is John MacDonald, you definitely have a nickname.  How else can we say hello to you bastards without fifty saying hello back?)

 · You've stamped your feet to fiddle music during intermissions at Bulldog games

 · You are Scottish Catholic

 · You know Buddy Sweet was never Mayor but he should have been even though he's not Catholic

 · You've read a weekly paper called the Casket

 · You know that every medium in your town is owned by the church

 · You feel guilty about everything because of your Catholic faith, but you do it any way

 · You would pay to go to midnight mass at Saint Ninian's Cathedral

 · You got cracked on the knuckles by Father Bernie when you were an alterboy (he probably squeezed your hand until it hurt too)

 · You've seen, first hand, a caber being tossed, and you don't think its a bizarre sporting event

 · You've tried to pick up chicks at church

 · You know that a taxi ride only costs you four bucks anywhere in town (and you know they bootleg liquor and cigarettes too)

 · You think 'Odgies Taxi' is the weirdest name for a taxi company

 · You know that, to get to Antigonish from Toronto, you take a left at the second set of traffic lights on the Trans-Canada Highway

 · You know that Jewkes and the 5 to $1 are the same place (and that anything you need can probably be found there)

 · You also knew it used to be called the Brigadoon

 · If you're a guy, you know better than to get involved with Bo & Liz Chisholm's daughters because you know they're a bunch of political, whiny, egotistical, self-absorbed, two-faced women

 · You've been kicked off the go-carts at the Snow Queen

 · You've been chased by the campus police (toy cops) at St.F.X.

 · You know that, unless you're second generation, you're not from Antigonish.  You're from away

 · You know that 'The Wheel' was originally called 'The Wagon Wheel'

 · You've chanted Morrison monkeys , Braemore brains, or Morrison millionaires, Braemore billionaires

 · You've partied in Mac when you were in grade 10

 · You think the best pizza you've ever eaten or will ever eat came from the Wheel

 · You've had Wheel pizza flown to you if you've moved away from Antigonish

 · You know what year the Robinson's Midgets won the Canadian Title

 · You know what sport the Robinson's Midgets play

 · You know Wong's isn't the best Chinese food in the world but you won't admit it

 · You don't have any idea how many families live in the attic of Wong's but you know it's alot

 · You know what 'soupie' means and you hate 'them'

 · You may not have beat up a 'soup hound', but you have either watched or known one that was beat up

 · You know the Wheel and the Lobster Treat have a common former owner

 · You know that the movie Slap Shot was patterned after the Rural League and the Hanson's are actually the Brophy's

 · You know that the High School was affectionately renamed after a man who's nickname was 'Pig'

 · You were taught by people known as Lenny & Squiggy,  Leo 'Lump', pig, crab, lurch, stinky, sweatbag, Bernie Bo, tweety bird, Allie 'hot dog' MacDonald, Dead Ed, Disco Vera, tinhead, the red, Bob 'the knob' Rogers, Mike 'pickle' Mernick, steelwool, 'termite' Joe MacDonald, Eyeball Annie Sears, miss turn-you-on, Crazy Mary, Sarkis Hambone (please add names)

 · You've been slashed across the shins by Stillman Smith's cane

 · You've been booted out of the library by Sarkis Hamboyan or John L.

 · You've had a chair thrown at you in the Regional hallway by MacIsaac

 · You've been roughed up by Joe MacDonald, the woodworking teacher

 · You've had the Junior High Science teacher, Bob Rogers, look up your dress while he 'accidently' droped his chalk

 · You grew up in a town with only 6,000 people, yet, you had a ski hill, golf course, university, two rinks, a curling rink, a theatre, a drive-in, and live theatre throughout the year

 · You know who Colin Campbell and Colin Chisholm are and that they are two really important guys but you can't tell them apart

 · You think big Joe Stewart is a fat bastard and he should stay in Pictou where the air smells as bad as he does

 · You've heard of Mrs. North Grant, and you don't mind me leaving it at that

 · You've known John W. to eat your pizza on the way home

 · You've known John R D.D., Carl Teasdale, Downey Kirk, Ron 6 O'clock, Johnnie Go Go, Kibbles n' Bits, the Tonka Twins, Johnnie Butts, Big Bob, Goofy, John Coke, Human, Bones, 'Collie Red' MacGillivray, Goober,

Dave Eyebrows MacDonald, Dickieburger, John 'Sealion' MacLean, Peter 'The Hangman' Chisholm, john 'booger', Nikkie Tampon, Johnnie Grog, Johnnie Go-Go, Dave Baby Baby Bo, Mark Baby Bo, Bernie Bo, Bomber, Donnie Bones, the Moon, Donnie AB, the Flea Dee, John Nova, Ronnie Elbows, Joe Sam, the Hummer, Leo the Plummer, Donald Blinkers, Donnie Ox, Donnie Elm Gardens, Blowjob Beth, Johnny Pine-Box, Johnny Zig-Zag, Spic & Span, Rab, Jughead, Hammer, Jimmy 'Squeak' MacIntyre, Domtar, Rodney 'Dogshit' Trainer, Peggy at the Harbour, Brian 'Smiley' Conners, Gail the 'Whale', Jack Cat, Ray Mac, Angus Tando, Lizzy 'Lizard' Green, Angus the Rat, Jimmy Looper, Red Dan, Hughie Archie, Hughie the 'Hedges', Rob 'Nibs' Canning, Allan the Piper, 'the Ridge's', Rod the Highways, Roger Mog, Pop Gerrior, Leo 'Boots', Billy the Painter, Jay Red, Billy 'Co-op', Joe 'Beef', Joe 'Judique', 'Shorty' MacDougall, Jody 'the Fly' Mattie, the Happy Hammer, Red Archie MacGillivray, Jack the Cop, Yits MacDonald, the Greasy Greek Panagopolis, 'Sly' Sylvester, Angus the Beard, the 'Miller's', the Bear, the Cub, the Captain, the Long Dan's, Ray Collie, Tex, Bruce 'Foghorn' Schurman, Mike the 'Hormone', Allie Hot Dog MacDonald, Monk, Caper, Lawrence Sally-Dan, Lawrence Collie-Billy, Joe Johnny-Peggy, Ernie Jack, Johnny High, Joe Sticks, the Squid, Billy the Jeep, Shimmy Sherwood, Blinkers, Dave Red, David “J”, Led Zeplin, Donnie Lo (aka Sonny), Bruno, Monkey, Pete da Warrior, Pinky, Dougie ‘WaWa’, Kenny Redlight, Darrel 'daBodeen', Hughie Dingus, Alex Rod, Collie Rod, Stewart 'Big Papa Pump' Macdonald, Kevie 'Wha' MacDougall, Moose, Robert “Block”, Radar, John Woody', Rockhead, Trevor 'the Seeker' MacDonald, Beber, Groover, Burp, Bug, Jimmy Suds, Stumps, Darrel Stump, Oscar, Atom, Chiz, Greasy Greg, Fat Jack, Danny Spider, Danny Wobbly Legs, Shawn 'Finner' Farrell, Sammy Hammerhead, Moe Spaghetti, Bomber, Cathy 'Peanuts', Wee Willie Lorifice, Robbie 'Gigi' Glencross, the Unit, Bones, 'Packy' McFarland, Scotty Feaver  (please add names)

 · You've known Louis Grant, Frank McGibbon, Pete Poirier, Neil McKenna, Dr. JJ Carroll, Albert Whidden, Vincent J. MacDonald, Buddy Sweet, Percy Archibald, Creighton Jewkes, Hughie Kell, Angus D.D., Collie Herman, J.K. MacDonald, and Eileen Henry were all Antigonishers TO THE CORE!  The likes not soon to be seen again

 · You've partied at the Glencrosses.  A family in Antigonish which

includes such names as gigi, beber, we, bones, and groover

 · You laugh when you know the fact that John R D.D. is ashamed of his

 brother

 · You've heard that Donny A.B. MacIsaac has punched people in the head

 · You've heard that other MacIsaac's have punched people in the head

 · You think that Wendy Cameron is the craziest woman alive!

 · You've gone over the mountain with Jay Red and survived!

 · You've gone to Cribbon's Beach when it was still a beach

 · You've gone to church at the Cathedral and slipped out the back door before the service was over

 · You've heard that Jeff Dee, the garbage man, actually was the 'Chamber of Commerce' president

 · You've been hit on or harassed by a drunk McFarland brother

 · You've gotten loaded at the Capitol Theatre and then got kicked out by the 'spook'

 · You've seen Joe MacInnis riding up and down Main Street on his bike and he's 30 years old, still looking at teenage girls (as of Jan 1, Joe

has a car and is looking at teenage girls)

 · You've heard that Teddy Borden is still buying Turbid down at Sobeys

 · You've known someone who can phone the Wheel and say "Hi, it's me."

 · You've broken draft glasses under the table at the old Tavern

 · You now live in Ottawa, Calgary, or Banff

 · You know at least five hundred MacDonald's

 · You know at least two hundred Chisholm's

 · You think Gail Hart is the biggest piece of ass to come out of the

town. but you also know she's as dumb as a bag of nails

 · You've seen some 'bucketheads' get beaten by townies and reveled in

that

 · You've eaten at Farmer Browns

 · You rely an CJFX for your information, even though Gus is a fruit

 · You've heard that back in the 1980s, there actually was a Russian

spy ('Peacho') living here and it was on the National News

 · You know of women that have been sexually abused by the Webbs

Superstore staff

 · You've eaten at the Venice which was owned by the Greasy Greek

 · You've shopped at http://www.antigonishmall.com/

 · You've heard of the Mary Ellen Spooks story and you know it's true

 · You've been chased by Sammy hammerhead with his shovel

 · You've been chased by Mr. Whidden and the Pettipas brothers at

Whidden's Trailer Court

 · You know that at 11pm, somewhere in town, townies and guys from Country Harbour are throwin' punches

 · You know that the 'T' is silent in Antigonish and it pisses you off when people pronounce it wrong (An-tig-o-nish)

 · You know that you actually pronounce it with an extra 'k' (Anteh-kinish)

 · You've been asked by Hugh V.Wallace, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

 · You know there is no one crazier than Hughie V. Wallace

 · You've been bitten by Mathew Wallace

 · You've been slapped by Judge MacDonald back in the 1980's before he was disbarred.  Oh wait now, that was his wife

 · You've put items up for sale on the Trading Post on CJFX but you won't admit it

 · You know that back in the early 1990s Mayor Colin Chisholm did not 
issue any property taxes for Antigonish (the only place in North America for this to happen) which was also on the National News

 · You know that the Antigonish Liquor Store is the busiest per-capita liquor store in Nova Scotia

 · You've camped in PEI in high school and was booted out of the

campground (and some of us got booted off the island) because you drank too much and caused too much trouble

 · You've camped in PEI in high school and you've received a drinking

fine of $29, and then you laughed and ripped up the ticket in front of the cop's face

 · You get a kick out of the retired fat bastards at the golf course

who 'think' they are athletes.  Instead, they are a collective group of

drunks in a mid-life/retirement crisis who are scared to go home to their wives

 · You have golfed in the 'Kilted' golf tournament for twelve years but have, yet, to remember your score

 · You know the Americans would have you think Dick Clarke is the

oldest teenager in the world, but you know in your heart it's Homer Hassin

 · You think the sound of the bagpipes is 'just the berries!'

 · You know what 'the berries' means

 · You'd know that, for New Year's Eve, you'd wait with anticipation to

get loaded with your buddies, drive into Town loaded, wait in -20 degrees Celsius temperature in a lineup at T-Bones (or sneak in the side doors), pay a $20 cover charge, and watch Matt Minglewood for the 5th year in a row - and then wake up the next morning and not recollect the whole night

 · You think William Wallace, from the film Braveheart, was from the

Cape or Merland

 · You pronounce Hawthorne Street as Whorethorne Street

 · You thought that, for one night, Antigonish was on top of the music

world when you saw Platinum Blonde in concert at the Antigonish Arena back in the 1980s

 · And the number one sign you are an Antigonisher: aside from all it's craziness and quirks, you believe it is the greatest place in the World!

 Please let me know if you have any others to be added!